Emotional Battle

I feel horrible that this is the first time blogging since my return from India. I’ve been meaning to sit down and articulate some of the things that have been jumping around in my head [and in my heart], but have been submerged in photo projects, Holiday events, emails, etc.

At the moment I feel overwhelmed, stressed out even. So I think this post is needed. I’m still processing everything that took place and trying to make sense of what’s going on inside me. I feel changed. I know I am changed. Slowly and surely I believe things will unravel and maybe, just maybe, I will uncover the purpose for this tug-o-war in my heart.

Sunday night I was compiling a video to send to my supporters (don’t worry; I’ll share it here as soon as its complete). And well, I was just about to call it a night when almost out of nowhere I started balling my eyes out. I knew I really missed the Freedom Firm girls and life in general was stressful, but common. I’m not usually the crying type. I mean…. I do cry (trust me), but not very easily. I was completely bewildered by the boiling pot of tears spewing. I felt a bit helpless really. BUT, in the end it was really good for me. I had been walking around with so much of my emotions hidden from everyone; I didn’t know how to communicate what I was feeling, let alone make sense of it all. So I tried to keep them bottled, but it turns out that all I needed was someone dear to come along and listen for my gibberish to begin to make sense of it all. Thanks to my very sweet friend Kesi, that exact thing happened, last night to be exact. Kesi asked a simple question of “how are you?” and that was it, that’s all I needed. Her tenderness and ability to pinpoint an area that needs a little prodding helped me connect some dots and communicate some of the emotions that were lost inside me.

I know I am being really vague, sorry, but that’s because I need to be right now. I’m trying to guard my heart.
Got to get this sleepy girl to bed. Night!

Rachel Grace