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My love languages: quality time & words of affirmation.
I've known about my love languages for several years now, but for some reason they have been placed back into the foreground of my daily thinking. Especially today. I was sitting in my bedroom contemplating life and all its details, and then suddenly I rediscovered the importance of understanding my own love languages and making sure I also learned the love languages of my loved ones.
Before I go into further detail about my love languages, I will first explain what exactly I am talking about. Some of you may be scratching your head and wondering "what is a love language?", well... Gary Chapman's website, books and/or wikipedia-page are great resources to learn just that, but here's my own summary:
Everyone is different; we all express our love and feel love differently. However, many people do not grasp that idea. People pour out their hearts thinking that everyone should understand and reciprocate their love, but frequently enough, that love isn't returned because the recipient doesn't acknowledge those acts/words/etc. as actions of love. Gary Chapman (a doctor, author and pastor) recognized this pattern and decided to research it. He found 5 key love languages that people use to express their love and feel loved.
The Five Love Languages:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving/Giving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Sometimes people share the same love languages, but in some cases they don't...
Until I found out my top love languages, I had some serious relational issues. I couldn't understand why some people made me feel valued and loved, but others made me feel like I had no value at all. Therefore, when I was introduced to the whole love language idea, it was like a blindfold being taken off my eyes. Suddenly everything made sense and I understood that not everyone shared love the same way as I did. This helped me to mend relationships and ultimately make my life a lot easier.
Here are two examples from my past, from before I knew about my love languages:
In my early high school days I had a youth group leader [and only the *best* leader ever ;)] by the name of Ms. Kelli Scanlon. This mighty woman of God would set aside time, usually twice a month, to meet with me for breakfast at Bean Traders (one of our favorite coffee shops). When we met, we mostly talked about family issues or boy issues (aka the current drama in my life), but no matter how many times I vented with Kelli or cried with Kelli, she still wanted to spend time with me. She would smother me with words of encouragement and affirmation, which I so appreciated, but more importantly she continued to invest one-on-one time with me, which spoke volumes. She made me feel valued as a person.
At the same time that Kelli and I were meeting, I was severely struggling at home with my relationship with my mom. My mom would express her love through gifts, which I didn't acknowledge at the time. I was so badly seeking and desiring quality time and words of affirmation from her, but because those weren't her main love languages, I wasn't receiving them to the extent that I needed. Therefore, I felt unloved by her. This caused me to grow very distant and bitter towards my mom. It wasn't until we both acknowledge each others love languages that our relationship started changing for the good. Fast forward several years, my mom and I's relationship is strong. We both make an effort to love each other through our different love languages and it's paid off. I'm now 100 percent sure that she loves me, and therefore, I feel valued by her.
I could go on and on, but this post is already quite lengthly, so I'll wrap it up...
If I can, I would like to challenge you (if you haven't already) to take the love language assessment test and encouraging your friends and family to do the same. The test only takes a matter of minutes and I'm thoroughly convinced that it'll be beneficial to you and your loved ones! Also, I would love to hear your thoughts regarding this subject! Feel free to comment away ;)
Later alligators!
Rach
At the same time that Kelli and I were meeting, I was severely struggling at home with my relationship with my mom. My mom would express her love through gifts, which I didn't acknowledge at the time. I was so badly seeking and desiring quality time and words of affirmation from her, but because those weren't her main love languages, I wasn't receiving them to the extent that I needed. Therefore, I felt unloved by her. This caused me to grow very distant and bitter towards my mom. It wasn't until we both acknowledge each others love languages that our relationship started changing for the good. Fast forward several years, my mom and I's relationship is strong. We both make an effort to love each other through our different love languages and it's paid off. I'm now 100 percent sure that she loves me, and therefore, I feel valued by her.
I could go on and on, but this post is already quite lengthly, so I'll wrap it up...
If I can, I would like to challenge you (if you haven't already) to take the love language assessment test and encouraging your friends and family to do the same. The test only takes a matter of minutes and I'm thoroughly convinced that it'll be beneficial to you and your loved ones! Also, I would love to hear your thoughts regarding this subject! Feel free to comment away ;)
Later alligators!
Rach
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