Fin

I don't speak French, but I felt like 'fin' was more sleek than 'the end' :)

My trip is officially over and has been for awhile now (this post is sooo overdue).

Leaving Seattle was hard. While there, I felt completely happy and peaceful (as I should on a vaca), so when it set in that I had to leave and get back to the life that continually frustrates me and leaves me confused (as well as crazy stressed at times), well, it made me kinda bitter. In my time of separation/saying goodbyes, I heard myself cry out to God, asking Him "why do I have to go back to a life where I do not see as much worth or joy as I do here?". I heard God whisper in my ear "Beloved, I know where I have you and I know the desires of your heart". Part of me wanted to say "well God, I want to stay here, that is my desire" but I would have been fooling myself. Really I just wanted to escape from my frustrations and that would ultimately do me no good. It's shameful how selfish I can be. I was so focused on what my emotions were telling me and not listening to my brain or what's really in my heart. There is so much here in NC that I love, like my friends and family, and my church. But my frustrations with my career, singleness, education, living situation, etc. have slowly been eating at me and causing me to become bitter and angry. This is so not a good place to be. No wonder God was probably laughing at me a while back when I called out "God, I am ready. I want some change". He knew that I needed to work on what I had right in front of me before I bit into another mouthful of something. He wants my roots deeper, so that I can stand the stronger winds that are going to come.

...Now that it's been almost 3 weeks since I arrived home, I feel like another vacation would be lovely and welcomed ;). But then again, I really don't feel like I have to escape (good sign!). Life is okay, it's not exactly what I had in mind, but I know God's present and his way for me is prosperous. I need to continue to learn how to trust in God and learn to rejoice over the simple things/the things in front of me.

Okay, to sum everything up... Seattle did the trick, I came back relaxed and overjoyed. I felt God nurture me in a way that I so badly needed, and I walked away feeling like I was more in love with Him than ever before. And even though coming home wasn't exactly what I wanted, it's been for the better. Life in NC can be great too... at times :)

Until my next big adventure,
Rachel Grace